King Jon of the Many Animals
by Pink Squishy Llama
Summary: Nothing LIKE Jon, but I do hope it's at least funny...Details the adventures of Jon, his llamas, and his pet duck Duckie! Finished!
1. Chapter 1

Note: This is not like Jon at all, so ignore that. It's meant to be funny, so LAUGH.

Chapter 1 

King Jonathan sat on a chair in a big pink room, stroking his pet duck. Ducks were his favourite animals, next to llamas. He had lots of llamas in the gardens. They were all bright pink. Suddenly, Jon began to sing…

"Old McJonald had a farm, ei ei o… and on that farm he had a duck, ei ei o…"

He forgot the next line and stopped singing, and instead threw the duck in the air. It quacked loudly in sheer terror, and Jon caught it on his head. The duck quacked and waddled onto his shoulder.

"Time to see the llamas, Duckie!" she shouted, and skipped down the stairs.

Okay, sorry, very short, but I have to go to school. Next chapter up soon. What do you think?


	2. Chapter 2

Note: This chapter will follow his visit to the llamas in his garden!

**Chapter 2**

Jon skipped happily over to the llama pen, whistling "Old MacDonald" as he went. He unlatched the door to the pen and whistled to the llamas. They all ran out and he moved out of the path of a rogue stampeding llama at the last second before he got flattened. All the llamas began turning pink because they were happy to see him. He petted one on its head and fed it a banana. This made the llama happy and it turned luminous pink with luminous green stripes on its head. It head butted him and walked away, emitting loud gurgles. Jon climbed onto the nearest llama's back. The llama turned purple and gurgled loudly, turning rainbow coloured as it did so. Jon spat on its head and it began walking at his command. Jon dismounted the llama when they reached a tree nearby, and patted its head.

"Give mummy a kiss!" he said happily, smiling like a mad person. The llama spat on his head and kissed him.

"Good girl!" Jon shrieked loudly and said: "Here's your treat!" He applied bright pink lipstick to the llama's mouth and it gurgled and turned pink, before trotting away. Jon spat at its head affectionately and walked back to the palace. He failed to notice to blue llamas brawling in a corner, squawking loudly and each other.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: This chapter follows more events with the llamas. And of course Duckie.

Chapter 3 

Jon ran over to his favourite llama called Squishy. Squishy was a cute, pink llama that could colour change but preferred pink. He took her foot and spat on it, then released it and spat on her head. He then climbed onto her back and spat three times on her head. Squishy began to run quickly in circles backwards. Jon screeched happily and threw up on the llama's head. The llama gurgled and stopped. She used her magic to make the sludge disappear and walked over to Jon. Squishy gurgled at him and grabbed a sword and began a duel with him. The llama sent the sword flying from his hands, and Jon spat on her nose in respect.

It was sunset now after many hours of riding Squishy around the gardens. He dismounted and sat down next to Squishy on a hill. They watched the other llamas boinging around and Squishy gurgled. A blue stripe appeared on her ears and Jon fed her some grass, which she munched happily. Duckie waddled over to Jon and climbed onto his lap and jumped onto his shoulder. He propelled himself onto his head and flapped around a bit before settling down. He squawked happily and pecked Jon's hair affectionately. Chewy, another llama, bounced over to the three. Squishy spat at him furiously and bounced over to him, standing in front of Jon and spitting. Chewy turned around and hung his head, bouncing away dejectedly. Squishy raised her nose and blew at his back, warning him not to come near her master. Jon stood up and patted Squishy's head, Duckie squawking loudly and nearly falling off. He tottered of Jon's head onto his shoulder and onto the llama's back. He waddled up her neck and perched on her head, quacking loudly at Jon.

"Sorry, Duckie!" Jon said quickly, kissing the duck's head. Squishy snorted loudly at Jon.

"And you Squishy!" He kissed Squishy's head and the llama gurgled and violet circles appeared on her back, luminous green spirals on her head. Duckie got purple lipstick and hopped back onto Jon's head, and Jon put Squishy's favourite colour on her: blue. Squishy gurgled and nudged Jon's arm happily. Jon climbed onto her back.

"To the palace!" he shouted. He spat once on Squishy's head, and she trotted slowly back to the palace. As he went, he sang a song with Duckie quacking in time to the tune, which went:

"Fuzzy llama squishy llama llarma in a car-alarma, llama llama llama llama llama llama DUCK!"

Duckie quacked extra loudly when he said 'duck' and Squishy gurgled throughout. After many recitals of this particular rhyme, and a particularly bad rendition of 'Old MacJonald', they finally arrived. Squishy snorted sadly as Jon dismounted and patted her head.

"Bye bye Squishy!" he called. He walked off mumbling, "Bed time Duckie!"

Back in his rooms, Jon jumped into bed. He picked up Duckie and tucked him up beside him.

"Sleepy time Duckie! Kissie for mummy!" He kissed the top of Duckie's head.

"Jon, does that duck have to sleep in here?" Alanna asked, sighing loudly. Duckie hopped onto her head and pecked her hand. Alanna glared at the duck.

"What did he ever do to you?" Jon asked crossly. "You're making him upset!" Alanna snorted.

"Um, like that time he bit my nose, or maybe the time when he…"

"Okay, I get the picture! Aww, look, you made him cry! Did the nasty lady make you cwy Duckie darling?" Jon cooed, picking up the duck and resettling it. He glared at Alanna, and went to sleep.

_Okay, by the way, yes Alanna is queen, not Thayet, Thayet fans look away now: Down with queen Thayet! Give her land or something, but not queen, no way! Okay, you can look back now. Next chapter should be up tomorrow; I have a whole hour tomorrow! Yay! Oh, and did I mention that a few of the llamas are kind of llama-mages. _


	4. Chapter 4

Note: Okay, message to whyshouldItellyou, Jon is not a jerk! ;P. Okay, on with the story! Oh, and yes, Squishy is, the person who said that knows who they are! I get to write more tomorrow because we have to work from home! But we still have schoolwork and a Shakespeare project to do. Oh well…Oh, and I'll do a llama colour chart at the bottom so you know what the llamas are feeling like!

Chapter 4 

Jon tore of a bit of a roll and fed it to Duckie, who quacked happily. Crumbs sprayed everywhere and Jon giggled.

"Come on Duckie! Let's visit Squishy!" he said, swinging the duck onto his head and skipping down to the llamas.

"Squishyyyy!" Jon screeched, running over to the llama. She bounced over to him and gurgled, and Duckie climbed onto her head. He stuck a foot between her eyes. Squishy went cross-eyed and gurgled happily. She head butted Jon and put Duckie on the floor, bouncing over to the other llamas. She gurgled a few times and snorted. The llamas turned green and one turned yellow. The llamas got into oval shapes around the yellow llama and a few curved into a stem shaped line and a leaf. Squishy used her magic to lift Jon into the air above them, level with the palace's highest tower. Jon screeched in delight and looked down at them. It was a pretty green flower! He clapped and looked down at his feet. He started walking around in the sky and giggled happily. The invisible platform beneath him gave way and he fell through shouting 'eep' as he fell.

"Eep!" he shouted. Squishy bounced over. She sent a cloud flying over to him and he fell onto it with a thud. Jon giggled like a mad person and flew down to Squishy. He hugged her neck and hopped onto her back, spitting once on her head. Squishy bounced over to the other llamas and stamped the floor three times. Chewy bounced over to Jon and Squishy. Chewy stuck out his foot and Jon shook it. Squishy hissed and spat at Chewy. Chewy ducked behind Jon and put his feet on Jon's shoulders, sticking his head forwards. He glared at Squishy and bounced off. Squishy gurgled happily.

"Walkies, Squish!" Jon called. Squishy gurgled and walked over a hill, and into a forest. She turned purple, then back to pink.

Okay, more in a while. I have to write this up first and do some homework. Okay? Well, here's he chart I promised.

Purple embarrassed 

**Pink happy **

**Green excited**

**Yellow lonely**

**Blue calm**

**Red angry**

_Maybe more later, if I add them! Review this chapter!_


	5. Chapter 5

Note: Okay! For the first time ever, reviews within my story! Yayness! But I still replied to most of you via reply button… Oh well!

**whyshouldItellyou: **Evilness! Waaah! You said he's a jerk nine times? Wah. Jon is not a jerk! Sniffle

**no one of consequence: **Wow. It's good? Ahem, that something would probably be correct, ahem…

**Lela-of-Bast:** Urm, yes, llamas rule! I love the idea of llama mages… I personally hate George, but if you read my profile I think it says there why…

**impossible-dreams: **Great, but I hope you started breathing again soon and didn't die!

**Charlie and Lola: **Yes, me too. I say that to my kittens sometimes, muhahahahaha!

**Abiona Marchand: **Good! Let's see more people crying! Muhhahahahhaa. Yes, it's random! I love random stuff!

**LandUnderWave: **Right, yes. Jon bashing. Ahem.

Okay, think I'm done there! Oh, and in this chapter: Alanna ist iratus. Okay? A little Latin for you! Femina ist iratus! See, I'm clever:P

Chapter 5 

Alanna held her knife to Duckie's throat, who quacked loudly and hopped back onto Jon's shoulder furthest away from her. Jon pouted and began to cry. Alanna sighed and rolled her eyes, throwing down her knife and storming out of the room. Raoul tried not to laugh, and ran after her. Jon smiled at Duckie, who hopped onto his head again. Jon picked him up and kissed his beak. He dug in his pocket for a second, and pulled out a bright green lipstick. Duckie quacked and ate a bit of the lipstick.

"Naughty Duckie baby!" Jon scolded, tapping Duckie's beak. Duckie sat back into his arm and gurgled. Jon put the lipstick onto the duck's beak, and put him down on the table. Duckie immediately tripped over a fork and landed in a bowl of soup. He tried to get out, and fell back again, spilling the soup all over the table. He waddled over to Jon and quacked happily, soup dripping off his head.

Alanna walked into the bathroom, and gasped. Puddles of water and bubbles were all over the floor. In the middle of the mess sat Jon and a very wet Duckie. Jon grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Duckie. Alanna giggled, then laughed loudly.

"What's so funny?" Jon asked. "How did you know that Duckie was decent?" Alanna rolled her eyes and left the room, laughing. Jon sighed and looked at Duckie, who looked back up at him. "Time to visit the llamas!"

That's it for this chapter. I'll put up chapter 6 tomorrow. Chapter 6 will involve Squishy and a couple of her friends. Byee!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

"Alanna, look, it's Squishy!" Jon screeched. Alanna ran with him, or she would have her arm pulled out of its socket.

"Slow down! Hello Squishy," Alanna said. Jon stopped in front of Squishy and kissed Alanna's cheek. Squishy bowed her head and ran away, sniffing mournfully. Alanna raised an eyebrow, and Jon shrugged.

"Squishy, wait!" he shouted. Squishy bounced away faster.

"Jon, now you upset her."

"I wonder how. Anyway, let's go say hello to Chewy instead." Alanna nodded and followed him over to the now purple llama.

Squishy hid behind a tree, watching Jon and Alanna. She turned yellow with black stripes, until she looked like a sad llama-bumblebee. She was going to get revenge on Alanna! She turned red and bounced over to her and Jon, gurgling at her plan. She was going to make Alanna pay for stealing Jon…_Her_ Jon!

_Okay, we have a jealous llama! Read chapter 7, coming soon to a computer near youuu…_


	7. Chapter 7

Note: manicpony24 loves George! Muhahaha. (Joking Tamsin, but I know you do really :P) This chapter is going to be, um, interesting I think. I'll wait and see how it turns out. I have none of this written out, so I have no idea what's going to happen. Okay? On with the story then I guess…

Disclaimer: I keep forgetting this! Anyway: I own Duckie, Squishy, Chewy and the llamas. No one and nothing else. Oh, maybe I do… we'll see! Well, I guess I own Hoppy the bunny too… And the sentence highlighted in bold is from Finding Nemo. Which I don't own either.

Chapter 7 

Jon sat in his big pink study, talking to Duckie. Duckie was getting ready for the ball that was on that night. He was wearing lipstick, which was pink and sparkly, and a sparkly red and yellow gown. He quacked in reply to Jon's question, and waddled over to the window. Jon followed him, and on the windowsill sat a little purple rabbit. Jon clapped his hands and scooped the bunny up into his arms.

"**I will name him Hoppy, and he will be mine. And he will be my Hoppy." **

Jon hugged Hoppy. He put Hoppy on the floor and Duckie waddled over to the rabbit. They played chase around the room for a while, until Alanna came into the room in her gown.

"Wow!" Jon shouted. Alanna blushed.

"I hate dresses. _Hate hate hate!_" she mumbled grumpily.

At the ball 

Everyone was having a great time, when there was a loud noise…

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_Oooh. Mysterious enough for you? Sorry, I would write more, but I have to upload this quick. My uncle wants to play some game on the playstation and needs help. More later! _


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Suddenly, a group of about ten llamas crashed though the window at the foremost end of the hall. A gasp erupted amidst the crowd of ball-goers. The llamas were all wearing GOWNS! And at the front of the group was…Squishy! Jon gasped loudly, put his hand to his forehead and pretended to faint. Alanna rolled her eyes and stepped over him. The llamas found partner llamas and began to dance. Everyone else went back to dancing, chattering loudly amongst themselves. All except for Alanna, whose partner had decided to faint. She sat moodily on her chair and glared across the room at her non-cooperative husband. George danced with Thayet, and Raoul… wait, where was Raoul? Alanna glanced around the room until she saw a lumpy, moving wall hanging. Typical Raoul. He still had a loathing for all parties and social gatherings. And he usually chose to turn into a piece of the furniture…literally! Alanna muttered something quietly and walked over to the strange wall hanging.

"Oh look, it's a moving wall hanging! Aargh!" Alanna cried sarcastically, filling her voice with a pretend fear. The hanging cursed loudly and shuffled around, scrunching up.

"Hello, oh great, powerful, beautiful, wonderful, pretty queen!" Raoul tried nervously. He sighed in relief as Jon came up behind them, singing. Alanna sighed. It was going to be a very long evening…

"Old King Jon had a merry old queen, and a merry old queen had he,

He called for his llama

And he called for his queen

And he called for his moving wall hangings threeeeeee!" (Thanks manicpony24 for writing this for me!)

Alanna sighed and threw out her hand behind her. The result was a loud shriek and an equally loud bang. Duckie waddled over to his master and quacked, tilting his head to the side. Another duck in a gown appeared behind him. Duckie turned around, quacked, and blinked repeatedly at her.

"Great Mithros! Lady Duckella of Carthak!" Raoul whispered. Lady Duckella fluttered her long eyelashes at him. Raoul bowed deeply. "My lady," he said, and walked her onto the dance floor.

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"…and he kissed the duck!" Alanna told Thayet through tears, cackling. Thayet chuckled and gestured towards the dancing couples. Raoul was actually dancing! But wait…he was dancing with Lady Duckella! And they were looking quite cosy, too.

"Great Mother Goddess!" Alanna cried, and began to laugh louder than before. Raoul was smiling at Duckella, who was being flung around the floor, her partner dwarfing her.

"I hear they're courting," Thayet spluttered, and the two women fell about laughing.

Jon glared at Alanna and Thayet, who were still laughing, and scowled. He held a bag of ice to a large bump on his head, which was quickly turning purple and red, and various other shades of the rainbow. He then turned his attention to the giant knight and his lady friend, shocked. Jon sprang up and skipped over to his wife and her friend. Duckie came after him, squawking and flapping his wings.

"I take it you've seen Raoul," he muttered. Thayet nodded and resumed laughing uncontrollably. He watched as Raoul led Duckella off the floor and out of the hall. Alanna snorted in unison with Thayet. Jon grumbled.

"It's all very well for you two ladies," Jon said moodily. "You don't have one of the realms finest knights swooning over a duck!" This led to more laughs from the two hysterical women, and Jon grumbled all the way back up to his rooms, resolving to find a healer later.

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_Okay, more soon! Sorry, I've been quite busy recently. And I kind of wrote this in German, when I was meant to be copying out plurals. Oh, and in English, when we were reading Macbeth. Review!_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Raoul screamed loudly and ran quickly away from the psychotic, sword-wielding king, throwing his hands in the air.

"You're courting a DUCK!" Jon screamed at the terrified knight.

"She's nice! And pretty too!" Raoul called back. Jon growled and whacked Raoul's rear end. Hard. Raoul yelped, jumped in the air and ran off again. A series of screams followed and Alanna winced, and then laughed loudly. It must have hurt a lot, but it was certainly livening up the dull afternoon. Suddenly, another duck appeared behind Duckie. She looked exactly like Lady Duckella. Her name was Lady Duckina of Galla, Duckella's cousin. Duckie blinked at her in amazement, before fainting. Lord Ducklass of the Yamani Islands suddenly waddled up behind her, the picture of perfect authority. A monocle covered one eye, magnifying it. He was dressed impeccably without any creases in his clothes. He quacked at his daughter Duckalina. Duckella quacked at Lord Ducklass, distressed. Jon finally put down the sword, and growled one last time at Raoul. He walked, or at least tried to walk poshly, and ended up looking like he had sat on a pitchfork and it had got lodged there. Lady Duckella waddled quickly over to Raoul, who was now lying on the ground, crying loudly and screaming for his mother.

"Lord Ducklass!" Jon said loudly, making the ducks jump, and walked awkwardly back to the palace.

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It was later that evening that Raoul announced his betrothal to Lady Duckella, whilst Duckie announced, or more quacked his own to Lady Duckina. They were to have a double wedding in one month. Jon scowled and shook his head, drawing his finger across his throat, glaring at Raoul. Raoul gulped and sat back down.

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Right, more later maybe? Maybe not for a while, I don't know. See, I'm at school, so… Anyway, review!


	10. Epilogue

Note: Last chapter! Yayness! I have to finish this now, before I forget, cause we're going to Normandy next week! Yayness!

Epilogue 

_Five years later!_

Duckella and Raoul sat with their three children (Gasp! How did THAT happen?), whilst Alanna and Jon sat with their two. Raoul and Duckella's children were very tall, with human bodies. The one difference was that the children had yellow feathers. And they could quack, too. Duckie and Duckina were swimming with their daughter. Squishy and Chewy were eating grass sandwiches with their daughter and son. (Yes, I got the two llamas married. So kill me, why don't you!) Duckie's two best friends came up behind them all. They were called Cool Pig and Cool Sheep, and they both wore sunglasses. Cool Sheep's friend called Schaf (clever huh, the German word for sheep!) ate some grass. A cow mooed and the sky turned purple. Cool Moo the cow walked over to one of Duckie's ducklings and the baby duck climbed onto his head. They all ran off into the sunset, with the giant baby feathery duck/human things that were called Raoul's kids, Squishy, Chewy, their children, Alanna, Jon, and their children, Duckella, Duckina, Duckie, and their children, Cool Pig, Cool Sheep, Schaf, Cool Moo the cow, and a rather irritated mouse.

_The End. _

_**Yayness! Finished at last. Muhahaha. Now go read Looking For My Duckie!**_


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